Hear me out!
My circle is currently undergoing a revitalization – we’re flourishing and it’s amazing as FUCK.
Okay…with this revitalization, travel is often discussed – so if you never travel or never plan to travel you can’t sit with us. Sorry! Another topic that comes up almost daily is dating. How much we like dating. How much we hate dating. Why are we dating? Dating is exhausting, because it is so taxing these days. It taxes my energy, my wallet, my optimism…I’m over dating. Plus, we aren’t all operating on the same definition of what dating actually is so some of us are dating by ourselves an we don’t even realize it. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Listen we can’t afford to spend too much time getting to know a potential mate, because we don’t have time to get to know a potential mate. So on the first date I’m asking you if you’re trying to have kids. Give me your whole life on the first date. You can imagine how that has gone in the past. Which is why I think I’m on attempt number 3 of becoming a cat lady. The cat lady scenario didn’t work before, because the unexpected would always happen and bring me hope. Right now? I’m on the brink of buying a fish and leaving the dating scene for the strong. My small frame can’t take this amount of stress and disappointment.
Recently, I’ve decided to leave the fish idea alone – because who is going to feed it when I’m in Costa Rica? Seriously, I’ve just been trying to jet off somewhere and not be disappointed again. The struggle? The friendship glo’ up is moving at different rates and it’s going to take some time for schedules to align, more compatible personalities to get together, these raises to hit that checking account, etc.
I’m impatient so I got to thinking….well maybe I just need to date on a plane. That should be fun right? Always on an adventure and traveling with someone. That will quickly reveal who they really are right? RIGHT!? Anddd I quickly pushed that thought out my mind, because aren’t you supposed to go on #baecation with your long-term partner? That’s how I was brought up anyway.
Then I realized it was 2017 and this is not our parents’ dating scene. I had heard about a few stories of people who even met on vacation and dated in passing. They dated when they were in the same city and eventually decided to get married and travel together. I even have friends who have known people to go on vacation with someone they just met, have a great time, and decided to breakup after the trip with no hard feelings. I mean we live in a world where I could swipe and find the love of my life or meet someone I never bring up again – I’ll survive either way.
While one half of me is paranoid and thinks everyone is a serial killer, the other half has me scratching my head thinking this kind of makes sense to meet someone and go on a trip a few weeks later. I love the not so traditional model of dating 30% of the time. The other 70% not so much has me thinking I’ll end up in jail. Either way I needed to gain some insight so I asked my favorite resources: my friends.
The most common question: How long is the trip?
Male friend: “No one is 100% themselves in the beginning”
I asked a close guy friend and he had ALL the questions. He wanted to know why the woman would feel so comfortable going on a trip with someone she doesn’t know well. “Does she have any friends? Nope…that’s a red flag!” He was also concerned about the length of time they were speaking and seeing each other. He clarified that 1 month of knowing each other is too soon, 2 months with a few dates might be okay if they were long distance, and three months was fine. He figured three months you guys have spoken often enough and have gone on a few dates. If it’s long distance then you guys speak damn near daily and that makes up for the lack of dates. He asked about the length of the trip stating that spending a weekend together is enough to be “on” and not really expose the quirks that everyone has. A week? Not so much.
Female friend: “I don’t really see a problem with it once you’re comfortable with the person”
Comfort is relative and that is why this is interesting. She also wanted to know how long the trip would be, but seemed more interested in how the puzzle (personalities) fit together. She seemed to be concerned about sex as well, stating that the woman shouldn’t feel pressured on the trip even if the guy is footing the bill.
I see both sides. Most importantly, I believe in being friends first. Setting up the foundation for a friendship from the beginning allows walls to drop before anything really happens. I can usually tell when it goes from “I’m just trying to get in her pants” to “She’s cool…I have a good time hanging out with her”. Are trips the new first dates? Maybe not the first date, but it seems like it could definitely be done sooner than 1 year deep in a relationship. I feel like I need to do this as a social experiment. Hmmm…