3 years!

HOW? I’m a catch. I know I’m a catch. The offers have come and gone. The healing period from a shitty relationship has passed. The “hoe” phase isn’t really for me. Where is bae????

Let’s take a breath.

I’ve recently gotten into the The Law of Attraction. In a nutshell? “Ask and believe – then you shall receive.” It works! I can just feel my mother rolling her eyes, because she tried to get me into this when I was in high school. Teenage me was NOT having it at all. As you mature and things start going awry…you tend to look for new methods of coping.    But, implementing the LOA is the best thing I’ve could’ve done for myself. The only thing is you have to really believe that what you ask for will manifest itself. It’s was absolutely ridiculous when I first started speaking to myself in the mirror every morning. Now, I can’t imagine leaving my home without my pep talks.

Ok…so back to my original rant. I’ve been single for 3 years. I’ve only recently counted the time that I’ve been single, because I asked for a relationship in one of my morning pep talks. I was not completely disappointed in what I received. However, getting to know someone on an intimate level requires you to disclose details about your previous relationships. So, I had to dig into how I could tell my potential boos that I’ve been single for three years without scaring them off. Talk about getting real with yourself.

Here’s what I was forced to realize:

  •  I am 100% comfortable being single – as long as I have an Ace in the hole. 

Fuck buddy, dinner buddy, movie buddy…why not have options? I haven’t found one that fits the bill for all three. So I have options based on the activities that I want to partake in and that’s absolutely fine. It’s not that I need someone to “claim”, it’s just that I have needs and wants. Being single means I don’t have to choose anyone in particular.

  • I’m picky as hell.  

 

My friends (and myself) see a lot of Molly [Insecure] in my dating style. One hair out of place sends me into a frenzy. Insecure is showing me my future one episode at a time and that’s hella scary. I’m working on it, because I’m not perfect.

  • I live in the DMV.

I live, work, and play in the DC, Maryland, and Virginia area. Do you know how hard it is to pick an eligible bachelor in a jungle of eligible bachelors – who aren’t ready for a relationship? Howard University should have told me that the ratio would be even worse once I graduated. On the flip side, I am an eligible bachelorette who is half ready to settle down myself. So, I get it…I really do.

  •   I’m a bad communicator

This is a biggie! My personal life has always taken hits due to my communication style. For the most part, I’ve allowed my emotions to guide my actions and responses in disagreements. It literally used to be a friendship-ender to get into an argument with me. In a relationship, it was World War III. I’ve been receptive to advice and I practice mindfulness techniques these days, but this needs constant attention.

  • Words overpower(ed) actions

For the life of me I could not shake this terrible habit. I would fall into a fairytale and get dreamy-eyed over the sweet nothings whispered in my ears. This was worse than bad communication, because I completely disregarded the actions of a man over what he planned to do. In the end, he failed to do much of anything. I realized (finally!) that living in the dream was a waste of time. When a man wants you…he wastes no time. NONE. Are you listening?? NONE. This is the only one that I can say I’ve completely overcome. Mmm…something about a man who doesn’t drag his feet.

 

The Takeaway: 

What it comes down to is being 100% honest with yourself.  I didn’t want to admit my faults…or that I was single for the last 3 years. But here we are. One major thing to remember is to not be so hard on yourself in navigating the dating world. What is for you will not pass you! While I don’t recommend sitting back and waiting for things to happen, I think it’s important not to rush the timing of your life.

 

-TDB

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