My asshole was swollen for 24 hours. I have no idea how you girls (and guys) do it…but it went left the other night.

Really quickly just google Consensual Non-Consent (CNC).

Now that we’re familiar. I have, for whatever reason, always been into that. I guess it’s one of those things where if you dislike the actual thought of it your subconscious really craves it. Like when male politicians who bash the LGBTQ community get caught in a 3 year love affair with another man. I have no idea, but I’ve never been successful in participating in it. Usually my partner at the time would look at me like I was nuts and then I would trash the entire idea. I thought it would be Mr. Saliva Play until he said he wanted to spit in my mouth and possibly impregnate me. But alas! I found an ally in my current partner who was pretty open (I may have turned him out a little) about what we do in the bedroom.

Two bottles of wine down.

Polished off some samosas and a chicken and goat platter.

All the lights off.

Round one a success…might as well switch it up for the second round.

I explained CNC and he was with it! I was finally going to go through with it!

It was going well until he almost forced his dry penis into my asshole. He’s not small. But do you want to know what is? My asshole.

There were no thug tears present, because there were real scraped knee to the white meat tears.

How in the hell do people do anal? I felt like there was no lube in the world that could have prepared me for that. In the moment while tears were streaming down my face I was laughing and trying to speak. I am laughing, because I wanted this whole fantasy and now look at my ass (ha!) over here weeping and swollen. I am trying to speak, because I’m goofy and hell and wanted to say “look at my ass now..this is what I get!”. He’s telling me to stop talking and try to breathe, but I’m laughing (for reasons unknown – because it still hurts) and he’s concerned. This is a mess.

While I’m not turned off from CNC I believe a clear conversation must be held and a safe word must be created. Write in on the wall, because in that moment you probably won’t remember.

Briefly, and I mean very briefly I considered anal. Fleeting.

But yeah…that happened.

-TDB

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